Touching on one of the very limited subjects that I know a few things about, motherhood. Today's end has found me very tired, agitated and just ready for the sun to go down. My youngest son has found the dog food bowl and helped himself to two handfuls of puppy chow, and my oldest did a nose dive (on purpose) off the couch and got a nasty bout of rug burn on his nose. I'm tired. I've not even eaten a bite today, if that tells you anything. I know my husband will come home, and the first thing he will say is "man, I'm tired." Yes, me too.
Moms get a lot of (for lack of a better word) "shit" for voicing how hard it is to actually be a mom, or for even complaining about it, or expressing a need to just have a break. But I am not only talking about stay at home moms, I am talking largely in part about Moms in general. We are supposed to be this superhuman person with all this willpower, all of this endurance when it comes to raising our children, but in honesty, it's freaking hard. It crosses my mind at least three times a day that I am possibly ruining them, am causing them extreme psychological damage or am just making them spoiled brats. These little things do not come with a book of instructions when you take them home from the hospital and there sure as hell isn't a how to guide for moms on how to keep your sanity intact while trying to get them raised. Most people, and myself included, just play it by ear.
In my experience with being a stay at home mother, I always get asked the question, "What do you do all day? Don't you get bored?" Oh yeah, sure, because both of my kids sit all day, Indian style on the rug and watch cartoons and never want to eat, or have bottles, or play or need to be mentally stimulated. None of that. I do none of that. I just sit and twiddle my thumbs and hope they take care of themselves. Or better yet, I sit and practice my makeup and do my hair and try on my clothes and sometimes I take them out when I want to get a good IG pic, just acting like I am doing something with them. I am so tired of people's thoughtlessness to mothers. Better yet, it makes me even more irate when someone expresses their distaste for a Mother if she says she needs a break, or she needs some "me time". Seriously, just shut up if you have no clue what you are talking about, because if you say something like this, you obviously are clueless. This coming from someone who used to be the idiot that would have said something like that to someone with kids.
I wake up daily around 8 (if I'm lucky) and cook breakfast for myself and my kids. I make the coffee, and get my husband off to work. We read our stories, and we play. I cook them lunch, or maybe even take them out for lunch and to the library. Does anyone know how hard it is to wrangle two small children in public? Carrying your purse, the diaper bag, a paid of shoes here or there, snacks, a stroller, or car seat? I mean my goodness. I cook dinner, we play games, I make sure they aren't killing each other or burning my house down, and on occasion I get to shower or maybe even eat something! So yeah, I am tired.
The absolute worst, though, is when people make snide remarks about my clothes, or how I look, or my lack of makeup. You know what, if I am out I probably do have baby vomit on me somewhere because it's inevitable. I probably have no makeup on either, because I just do not have time to fool with it. More than likely I am wearing leggings or something equally comfortable, because squatting and bending in blue jeans is not any fun, and when you are out with two children, well, you do that a lot. But you better believe my children are dressed to the nines, in their best, and they look fantastic because quiet frankly, it's ALL ABOUT THEM. Always will be. My petty stuff has taken a back seat for the moment, even my own vanity, and trust me I AM VAIN.
What I am trying to say is, Mothers shouldn't have this stigma against them telling them it's not okay to take a break, or it's not okay to ask for help. Raising kids is a full time job, and for me IT IS my full time job. If I had a career to go on top of all that, I honestly think I may lose my mind. I stay with mine 24/7 and I love it, and feel so lucky to be able to do so, but I need and I deserve some time to myself now and then. It's easy to lose yourself in being a Mom, but it's also important to remember that you are someone other than being a Mom. You were someone before and you are someone apart from that. True, with me, it makes up most of who I am and I so proud of the person I have become as a direct result of my children, but I am also Courtney. I still like to have fun, laugh with my friends, go out. I'm still a good time, I promise, on the off chance that I get the opportunity to let my "mom hair" down.
So, to all my mom-friends out there, keep on keeping on and do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help,and be proud of the job you are doing for your children. To all those mom-shamers out there who further enforce the idea that all women who are mothers should be in throttle open-hold er wide-gung ho, mom mode all the time, with no complaints or qualms, well shame on you. You either (a) have no children (b)are just a mean person or (c) are some kind of Stepford wife robot. Your opinion should be best kept to yourself.
We all get by with a little help from our friends.